Thursdays

I DO NOT LIKE THURSDAYS!  At least for the moment.  They are the day that I have to give Odette a dose of Metheltrexate.  I absolutely think that this is the worst chemo drug there is.  Each time she was given it in the hospital, granted it was a very high dose, but it took a couple of weeks for her to be able to hold anything down!  Now, I just get her doing good, a puke or none a day and have to give her this drug and she pukes the rest of the day and a few times for a day or two afterward.  How on earth am I ever suppose to get her to want to put food in her mouth and actually swallow it when I have to give her this?!  At least it is just once a week and not every day like the other chemo I am giving her.  It doesn't seem to be affecting her in any way, except she doesn't sleep very well...we are always down on the front room floor.  (Why she can sleep there, but not in her crib is beyond me!)

Other than the puking, Odette has been doing really well being at home.  She can almost crawl and it cracks me up to watch her kneel and then do a "boys" push-up and walk upward and throw herself forward.  She thinks it is great because she can get to anything she wants, including Josselyn who use to be just far enough away to make her mad!  She has the cutest giggle and loves to tease her siblings.  Odette is also very smart, after all the watching she has been doing, she has been able to put her knowledge she has acquired into action!  Any time someone says "no" or "don't" she will shake her head back and forth.  She loves to wave bye-bye and give kisses to the kids at bedtime and smile for the camera.  Her favorite words are dog and dad and I am pretty sure she can say Josselyn in her own dadadada language!

Strong Enough

I am constantly being told that "You are so strong. I could never handle the things you are going through now."  For some reason, this comment really frustrates me.  Each of us is blessed with different strengths and weeknesses.  (Can you imagine how dull life would be if we were all the same?!)  Since we are all unique, we each have our own set of trials.  What I can do and what someone else can do are completely different, but each test will stretch us a little beyond our current abilities, teach us to love a little more than we would have and strengthen us.  You are strong enough for what you need to do.

I was thinking about this on Sunday during our Relief Society lesson.  It was about the Savior and how he suffered alone for each one of us.  Only he could suffer this way for us.  He was all alone and couldn't have anyone else do it for him, but thank goodness he was strong enough to do what he needed and wanted to do.  Each of us have things that only we can do, however, when we are suffering and we feel we are all alone, we need to remember we really aren't all alone, because he was strong enough and went through what we are going through right now.  He knows all of our emotions, thoughts, feelings and most importantly, our heart.  We may feel alone, but we are never alone, we just need to allow the Savior to pick us up and carry us.  We, together, are strong enough.

So, don't feel like you could never do what I have to do, because if you were asked to, you would be strong enough.  (I am praying you never have to go through what I am experiencing now.)  Be thankful that you are strong enough to grow in ways that you are asked to.  If you don't think you are, then ask-HE IS STRONG ENOUGH.

Christmas Day

On Christmas Eve we have a tradition, like I am sure that most of you have as well and that is to have everyone get a new pair of PJ's to attempt to sleep in that night.  Amazing enough, this year I was still able to make the kids their pajamas.  Josselyn didn't want to wear hers because they were "too big"!  (They were exactly how they were suppose to be, but she has some serious touchy feely issues!)

In the morning the kids were given instructions not to wake us up until 5:30, which is when I have to get up to start Odette's medicines and feedings.  At exactly 5:30, the two big kids were in our room saying "get up, get up we want to see what Santa brought".  (I'm thinking to myself, you just walked through the living room where it all is, duh!)  I wasn't near fast enough for the kids!  Josselyn was also still asleep so we woke her up. At least she was happy because there was a pretend banana in her stocking, which is what she asked for!

Brandt got his Mt. Bike that he had been asking (more like begging) to have for over a year since he is "too big for my kid bike"!

Kathleen got all sorts of crafty, art stuff, which is her absolute favorite thing.  Mom is the one that doesn't like this stuff because it makes a huge mess with little pieces and I have to be a good supervisor/helper of the projects.  I think she got some stuff that I won't have to help as much with.  She has already loomed one hot pad!

Josselyn's favorite thing to do is play cooking in her kitchen.  With the help of a neighbor, we refinished a little table and two chairs.  They turned out great and Josselyn enjoyed the day feeding everyone her gourmet meals on her new dishes.

Odette loved everything and was way over stimulated!  She chewed on all her new little people toys and I am sure other things that she shouldn't have, but she was home and so happy!  She even ate red and green jello to celebrate--totally awesome!  (Now if the jello had all the nutrients plus 100 calories we would be in really good shape!)

For the biggest kid at home, Santa brought a nerf machine gun.  It was great fun for the entire family and now we have something to protect us from all of Brandt's weapons!  (Watch for a nerf gun war coming soon!)

Christmas Day was great this year.  Thanks to all of you who helped to make it wonderful.  I definitely still believe in Santa!

Christmas Letter 2009

So...with all the help and added chaos at my house, I just realized that some people did not get my annual Christmas letter.  So sorry, here it is, just no picture because I don't have it digital.  

Happy Holidays Family and Friends!

Each year I enjoy sending out letters telling about our adventures of the year past.  Even more, I love to check the mailbox daily for news from each of you.  I love getting things in the mail other than very expensive bills!  (Who doesn't?)  well, onto the exciting stuff.

Brandt is eleven years old!  I can't believe that we have a child old enough to babysit.  It seemed that we would never be able to have our own babysitter - then again, I thought I would never be old enough to drive!  Brandt did awesome swimming this year and got a plaque for swimming the butterfly.  He won 3rd place in the country meet!  He is so excited about swimming and reminds me that he is going to get a job teaching swimming in a few years so he can be rich.  He also finished up all his requirements to get his Arrow of Light in Cub Scouts.  He is doing excellent in school, even though he isn't in the ALL program this year.  He is an awesome big brother that his sisters are so glad to have  We went to his Priesthood Preview a few days ago and he told me, "Mom, your little boy is growing up!  Don't worry though, I still have a few years!"  Too late-I already miss that little boy.

Kathleen turned eight this year and was baptized.  She made her mom and dad very proud and she looked beautiful in white.  She also started the third grade and is doing well for the little help she is getting with her homework.  She started doing girl scouts and has enjoyed many fun meetings and going to a horse riding camp.  She also is a very good cookie seller - save your money for January when you get her phone call!  She has been working hard at playing the piano and loves to practice when Odette is listening because it makes her smile and laugh.  We couldn't ask for a better big sister.  She takes excellent care of her two little sisters, even if it drives her crazy to let them touch her toys.  She is very loving and kind to everyone.

Josselyn has passed the terrible 2's and onto the terrific 3's! (That's what it is supposed to be right?)  She is still mischievous, but she is honest about what she is doing whether it will get her in trouble or not!  She loves to watch Scooby Doo and it is difficult to try and watch anything else when she is around.  She also loves anything princess-Briar Rose is her favorite-and wears a dress each day!  She has finally decided that a princess movie is almost as good as Scooby.  She makes me laugh, cry and panic.  I don't know what life would be like without her around to keep me and many others entertained!  She has unconditional love for everyone and will give anyone a hug and kiss if they are brave enough to ask!

Odette is one year old and the most beautiful, brown eyed, bald baby I have ever seen!  We found out on June 19th that she has leukemia.  She is finally starting to feel good enough that she sits up really well and is attempting to crawl.  Now if we could get her to decide that she likes food as much as her big sister!  She has been quite the fighter since June and we are so lucky to be her parents and have her as part of our family.  She still has about a year worth of treatments to go, but she will be at home much more during this next part of her treatment-yeah!!

Ken is still working at SSA Marine, which might not be gymnastics, but a job with insurance! (Hard to come by these days.)  This year he finished the laundry room and it looks awesome!  He is so great at building things.  I am not quite sure what he will work on next since the house is finished...maybe a new back porch!  If ever I think he is lost, I just look by the computer.  His favorite past time is to get lost in the World of Warcraft.

This year life has changed dramatically, but we have been greatly blessed.  We did manage to go to the beach and visit Great Grandma in the spring before her passing.  The kids also enjoyed going to Disneyland this year with the extended family.  We are so greatly blessed to have great family and friends like you!  We are also very grateful for the birth of our Savior this time of year.  May your holidays be Merry and Bright!!

Christmas Fun

This year, we had some new Christmas experiences.  Since Odette has been sick with cancer, we have made a bunch of new friends and also been invited to be involved in some Cancer groups.  For Christmas, this Cancer group had a Christmas party.  We didn't dare take Odette because her counts had been low and all she does is puke.  I decided that I wanted to be sick and Josselyn was beyond tired, so Ken took the two older kids to the celebration.  They got to have pizza and pie, play lots of games, meet the BYU basketball team and yes, sit on Santa's lap--they even got Ken to smile and sit by Santa!!

Another thing we did new this year is go to Thanksgiving Point to see all of their lights.  (Way over-rated!  We decided it was better to go freeze at Temple Square than to pay $8 for a five minute or less drive in a circle!)  Each year, I always beg Ken to go and look at lights and we never end up doing it.  Lately we have been trying to think of things that we can go and do as an entire family, not just one parent and three kids, but to take Odette as well.  We don't want to go take Odette and expose her to all the crap that is out there this time of year, so we decided anything that we can just stay in the car would work.  All the kids enjoyed the lights, but Odette and Josselyn thought that they were great!  Josselyn especially liked the fact that she got to help drive the car while looking at the lights.

 

Home

We have been home for two weeks today! In June when they said the hardest part would be over by Christmas, I prayed for Christmas to come, but felt I could not make it until then and low and behold, we are there! It hasn't been an easy road for our family, but together we have endured through the good, bad and the ugly. We are not even half way through the treatments for Odette, but we are to what I think should be much easier. (I better be careful what I think or knock on a piece of wood!)

It has been hard to get back into a routine here at home and still be doing what I and a nurse would be doing at the hospital. Odette is still really sick from the chemo and hasn't had a day of no puke in what seems like an eternity. She is still in need of medicines frequently, however not in the middle of the night unless she wakes up. We are also doing her chemo now at home because they are oral chemo drugs that I just put down her feeding tube. They shouldn't drop her counts like in the past(they will still be low so we still need to be real careful) and that is why we are allowed to be at home. Our biggest and most frustrating thing at the moment is getting her to learn and want to eat. She never learned how to drink out of a cup or a bottle because I was nursing her when she got sick. She won't put any food near her mouth-except a sucker Mel gave her the other day! It just doesn't taste good to her and she knows that she chokes and pukes up everything that seems to go down her throat. It would be awesome to have her eat and drink on her own...the fight to get medicine down her throat doesn't seem like such a big deal.

The other kids are having a hard time adjusting since the "meanest mom on earth" is at home and expecting them to clean their rooms, do their chores, practice their music and do their homework. It is also hard because when Odette is around we can't have friends over and so they get pretty bored. (If you ever want an extra at your house, feel free to call!)

All in all, dinners together, movie nights have returned, sleeping in my own bed(most nights), using my own shower, cooking my own food and getting more exercise than just rocking Odette-come on my stairs count-has been terrific. I am grateful for the lessons learned in the past six months, but I am even more grateful for the "at home" future that is ahead of us!

Speechless

I am in total awe at the outpouring of "gifts" for our family during this Christmas season. It is amazing to me the love of neighbors, family and total strangers. I know each act of charity is a blessing from my Heavenly Father in answer to mine or someone else's prayer. Thank you!

The Longest Dr. Apt.

I don't know about you, but every time I use to go to the Dr. office I would read the sign that goes something like: "a charge will be given for any missed apt" and then be very irritated. I was on time for my appointment, but I waited an hour for the doctor. Is it okay now for me to charge them because they "missed" their appointment? That's how I think it should work anyway. (One time they did actually give me a $10 gift card for a restaurant because they were so slow.)

I use to think that 2 hours at the doctors office was a super long time. (It is, right?) Today was our first outpatient doctors visit. Just the driving time alone would beat my two hour limit, so I knew I was in for it. It started at 8 am and we left the hospital at 1:30! (I know I should just be grateful about the word "left") The doctors visit went like this:

• check in and get weighed, measured, blood pressure (Crap, Odette has lost weight again!)
  
• sit in the room (Screaming from poor Odette who hasn't been able to eat for the past 12 hours and puked all day yesterday.)
  
• have a nurse draw blood and wait for lab results (She actually is good in everything except a little low in the red blood cell department.)
  
• doctor comes and looks at Odette (Her ears are finally not red! "If she is still puking with the anti-medics don't give them to her, she is a baby so expect puke." Mom is mad.)
  
• go down to RTU for spinal chemo and a bone marrow aspirate--wait a half hour for Odette to wake up from the anesthesia
  
• try to get Odette to eat/drink something so we can leave RTU (One swallow works, right?)
  
• go back up to clinic and get her "regular" chemo
• have doctor explain the new maintenance chemo routine and order prescriptions (Should have done this earlier, but like a regular doctor office was running late and we needed to get down to the RTU.)
  
• wait an hour and a half to mix the chemo prescriptions, get our chemo schedule for the month and schedule our next visit--not for 4 weeks!! :)
• go brag to the inpatient nurses that we are going home
• get our prescriptions by paying an arm and leg! (Only $70--I thought it would be at least twice that!)

Now that is a long doctor visit...I don't even want to imagine what it will be like getting chemo and a blood transfusion...probably we would get a fever and be stuck in the hospital for a week, so no need to worry.

I am so excited that I get to be home and take care of my children and attempt to have a clean house so that Odette doesn't get sick with any fevers! We get to have the holidays at home. I couldn't have picked a better gift for myself!

Snow Day

Today was the first day that there was actually enough snow out that the kids could attempt to play in it. They were all very excited to get all bundled up to go out. Brandt and Kathleen went sledding for a while, but then decided they were going to start piling snow up so eventually there would be enough snow in the pile to make a fort.
Odette had been watching Josselyn slide down the little ramp in the back yard that the big kids and Ken made for her, but just kept on screaming and pointing out. I figured that her counts were up and a couple of minutes wouldn't hurt her, so I bundled her up and took her out.
The little girls thought it was great and even Ken must have been having a nice time because he was smiling--even showing his teeth! Odette was even brave enough that we put her on the sled and let her go down. She was a little bit more slippery than the sled and ended up off of it. She was smiling and squealing still. Not until we went in the house and she was mad did she end up puking. Oh well, I think it was all worth it!
The kids can hardly wait until the next time that there is a big snow storm and mom decides its worth all the struggle of getting warm clothes on again! I am sure there will be plenty more days like this to look forward too!

Lemonade

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I am sure that you have all probably heard this saying. It seems easy enough if you are given lemons (a few at a time) to make lemonade, but right now, I feel like I am being pelted with lemons from every direction! ("When it rains, it pours!") I don't even have a second to put a glove on to catch them so I can even attempt to make a drink!! Even when I do manage to make lemonade, it is SO VERY SOUR!!

At least I think it is going to be sour, and then I start drinking and realize it isn't so bad because of the bits of sugar added to it from you...a phone call to say you are thinking about my family, a kiss from a crazy 3 year old, a smile, an offer to run errands and knowing you are all praying for my family's wild and crazy life...then I know that my lemonade has been sweetened to exactly what I need. Thank you for helping me not be so burdened down that I can't make it through another day.

Pink

"Mom, I am adorable in pink makeup." This is what Josselyn informed me of as she looked at herself in the "show me the beast" mirror. Obviously her favorite color is pink, Kathleen should hide her makeup and I shouldn't go and flush Odette's feeding tube without taking Josselyn with me! She is adorable though!

GI Test

Today Odette made a trip up to the hospital and actually came home in a two hour time frame! I have to admit that I was really worried that we would end up admitted because that is always how it has worked out.

Today Odette had an upper GI test done to see if they could find anything to explain her puking constantly, even though she hasn't had any chemo for three weeks now. She had to drink some dye, and much to my amazement, she drank it right out of the cup. When the doctor said that was enough, I took it away from her and she through a huge fit. I guess that we need all her food to taste as yucky as I am sure that dye stuff tasted! Anything that looks like chalk can't be that good. They won't know for sure the results until next week, but it didn't look like anything was out of the ordinary. I don't want anything wrong, obviously, but it sure would be nice to know how to slow or stop the barf.

Christmas Tree

What better way to celebrate that the family will be home together for the holidays than to decorate the Christmas tree. Each year we usually go and pick a real tree because I love the smell. Of course, we are never able to afford a real tall one, so we joke about having a "Charlie Brown" tree. They are never taller than I am! This year a real tree is out of the question because of all the "junk" it has on it would put Odette at great risk. I have a great friend that knew this and called to tell me that she had our tree for us. It consisted of 2 1/2 yards of green butcher paper and numerous sparkly papers for the kids to make decorations. So, no Charlie Brown tree, we have the tallest tree we have ever had...almost goes all the way to our vaulted ceiling!
The kids all enjoyed cutting and pasting the decorations for the tree. Odette rolled all over attempting to get the tree and eat the ornaments. She was successful a couple of times to make it to the tree! (Yeah, this means she is trying to crawl!) Josselyn loves trying to reach the star on top- with the help of her daddy. Brandt and Kathleen of course enjoyed doing something crafty that didn't involve just crayons and paper. (This is all they have been able to use without mom home for supervision.)
The kids had so much fun making our tree this year that the comment was made, "We should do this every year!" It was tons of fun and a lot cheaper I am sure than buying a real tree, but I am sure it is just as messy as a real tree! (Garbage pick up should be easy though since it will fit in a garbage bag!!)
I am so thankful to so many of you who realize the little things in life that make such a big difference to my children and go out of your way to help them be able to experience life in a fun, new way! May your Christmas be Merry and Bright!!

Maintenance

We finally made it! I never thought that I would live to see the day that we were onto the maintenance part of Odette's chemotherapy. The days and nights past have been so very, very long, but with all the faith, love and prayers everyone has offered in our behalf, we have survived the past six months! I have never done and hope never to have to again go through something so very hard.

Odette, and family, still have a long road ahead. We will be going in on the 14th of December for a spinal tap and to get our teaching about the chemo we will be doing at home. We should have seven weeks of being at home before we go back into the hospital for a couple of weeks of high doses of chemo. (As long as we don't get fevers in the mean time.) Then the process is repeated over again. (Right now 10 days of amoxicillin doesn't seem so bad!) This will continue until we reach week 49 and then we do the final evaluation to make sure that all this worked.

Being at home is going to be great for the family. Having a baby have cancer has had many challenges go with it. It has been really hard on the entire family. Hopefully being at home all together, we will be able to get into a routine and Odette will be able to have continuity and learn. I was sad that I wasn't enjoying Odette as a baby and praying for her to grow up because that meant we would be out of this mess. However, it looks that I still get her as a baby because she is about at the same level as when we started chemo. I still get to teach her to crawl, walk and eat-without puke I hope! The nicest thing is that she still loves to cuddle like a baby...lots of days this is my best medicine.

Hooray for Odette being such a great fighter! She has beaten the odds and proven that she has a very strong spirit to share with many!

Transfusions

Once again, Odette was in need of a platelet transfusion. Her count was at 7 (normal is 150 to 400) and she was getting random bruises appearing, not to mention that ones that were where she got her nupogen shot or rolled over her feeding tube. So today while getting the transfusion, I realized that I have ever explained how transfusions of blood products works. Remember that this is just my understanding. I am sure that stuff is a little different than how I explain things.

Before you can even order blood products, you need to first now how much the patient weighs (7.4 kilos-this hasn't changed since we were admitted) and her blood type (O positive). Then the doctor will figure out the amount she needs and order from the blood bank. Once we get it at the hospital, the nurses have to do some double checking to make sure it is the right type and okay and then we can start the infusion. It is always good to double check that you are giving a patient the right stuff-kind of like measure twice, cut once!

Odette is hooked up with her central line for the infusion. For platelets, they are sticky so they are run in quickly, over about a half an hour. Red blood cells are run in over a longer period of time, about two hours, because its a lot of liquid for the body to absorb. During any transfusion, vitals need to be taken frequently to make sure that the body is not having an adverse reaction to the new materials being put into the body. Vitals consist of temperature, oxygen level, heart rate and blood pressure.

It is a simple procedure, but a very vital one. Most people can donate blood, but you can't choose whom the blood goes to. You can donate at any blood donation bank and it only takes a couple of minutes and it can be done frequently. You can also donate platelets, but I am told that it takes a couple of hours to do this. I am so thankful that so many people care enough to take the time out of their busy schedules to donate, especially since Ken and I do not have blood that the banks want! Thanks for helping save Odettes' life in a way that we can't! Keep donating so we can continue to transfuse!!

Family Time

A few months ago, my sister Katie decided to take her chances and come to have Thanksgiving with our family. She new that life is very unpredictable at our house, but was willing to come anyway. Unfortunately, Odette was in the hospital the entire time she was here to visit, which also meant that I was gone, so Katie ended up being our babysitter. It worked out great to have her here to be with the kids. I am so grateful that I have such a great family that goes out of their way to make sure Ken and I have everything that we need and then some and love us unconditionally.
When Ken was with Odette on Saturday, the kids, Katie and I had some "family" time. (I can hardly wait until our family time includes everyone!) We went to see the lights on Temple Square, or as Josselyn kept calling it- "The temple of squares". It was fun to look at the lights especially since it wasn't too cold yet. The favorite was the lights on the fountain and the pink lights. (Who ever would have guessed that the pink ones would be the favorite!)
I think Josselyn's favorite part was riding on the trax train. It was difficult for her to stand and wait for it to come and once it finally got there, she was running to get on and when it was time to get off, you can probably guess, it wasn't the funnest thing for anyone!
We also went and saw the 3D Christmas carol. The kids thought that the glasses were really cool. Josselyn wore hers for all of 10 minutes and then would put them back on every time it would start to snow. The movie wasn't all that great, but being with the kids was lots of fun.

Faith

It has been said that if you have enough faith you can say to the mountain, "move" and it will be done.

I have also heard, "Sometimes all the faith in the world can still never change what isn't meant to be."

So, even if I have enough faith to move a mountain, if I am suppose to climb over it, then I better start climbing.

Odette poses

Those of you who know me really well know that I am a freak when it comes to pictures. I want a picture for every occasion and activity that the kids do alone or as a family. I promise my husband and myself that someday they will all be neatly labeled and put into a scrapbook...
Just by shear luck, on Odette's first birthday a photographer came to the hospital to take pictures of patients. She came into Odette's room for an hour and got some beautiful shots of Odette. You never would guess that these pictures were taken on a hospital bed an hour before Odette decided it was time to puke!
Odette loved the camera and smiled and talked most of the time. Fortunately for us, she also had one outfit left that wasn't barfed on and a matching hair bow in the diaper bag. (Yes her mom does attempt every now and again to dress her cute!) She left the bow on the entire time!
Even with her nose tube, she is the most beautiful, bald baby that I know! I am absolutely in love with this angel of mine!

Keeping with Traditions

One of the hardest things for me through Odette's illness has been having to "miss out" on what we might normally have been doing if she wasn't at the hospital sick. Even if it has been difficult, we have tried to stick to our regular traditions with the family. We have done most traditions, it is just hard to have part of the family missing each time. Only part of us get to participate.

For birthdays each year, we usually get the kids a helium balloon for each year they are old. (Yes, this is my tradition I started because growing up one of my friends said that is what their family did and I thought it was so cool. Besides, what kid doesn't like balloons?!) One balloon seemed dumb for Odette so we thought about getting 18 and saying one for every year we want you to have a birthday while living at our house. This didn't work because they wouldn't fit in the car, so we got three. Don't ask why we got three, but Odette is in love with the balloons.
Our next tradition is getting our teeth cleaned every six months. This time, Josselyn was old enough for her to have a turn. I was very worried that maybe she would freak out or spit at the hygienist, but we got lucky! She was the best patient ever after she got to check out all the tools. Her very favorite was the water sprayer and the vacuum. She passed with shining colors and has 20 teeth! Prospects where not so good for the other three of us!

Our final tradition that we did this week was make gingerbread houses. We usually make them after thanksgiving, but with the help of a great sister, and one donated gingerbread house so everyone could decorate their own, we did them on one of my nights at home. The only thing missing was the little candy canes that I had forgotten to buy and the rest of the family up at the hospital. The kids had great fun squirting frosting, decorating and of course eating way to much candy! But it wouldn't be the same without eating all the candy!

Now for seeing what our traditional Thanksgiving will end up being tomorrow being at the hospital. At least the hospital is making an exception and the kids will be able to come up tomorrow so it will be fun to have the family all together eating whatever the temperature the food ends up being after an hour drive up to Primary Children's.

Open your Eyes

At the beginning of the month many people said that they were going to try and come up with something different every day to be grateful for since it is the month of Thanksgiving. A few people also commented that this might be a difficult thing. I was very disturbed by this comment. Honestly there aren't at least 30 things to be grateful for? (I know for me 30 is easy since there are that many people in my family!) Obviously the song "Count your Many Blessings" needs to be sung a few times. Over the past five months, I have sung this song plenty and my eyes have been opened to many "hidden" things in my life. Not that they were ever hidden, I just had my eyes closed to the many great and wonderful things that are around me.

Each year for family home evening we have the kids write things or draw pictures of what they are grateful for and then we hang them on the front door so that we are reminded many times a day of the good things, which are easily overlooked when burdens, frustration and despair are so rampant in the world (and sometimes your own home). I wanted to share a few things that my kids are grateful for.

JOSSELYN: the moon, princess movies and crowns
KATHLEEN: outside, doctor, medicine, family, food, house and moonlight
BRANDT: mom, dad, sisters, dog, bed, house, food and mints

A while ago in a Relief Society lesson, it was about gratitude and we made a list of things. I reflect on this list frequently when life gets stinky and it has helped to make me see life as much better. I am also much happier when I reflect on all the things I am thankful for.

1. a husband who works incredibly hard for his family. Everything he does is trying to help me and the children be happy and comfortable.
2. a very smart husband that can fix almost anything.
3. four beautiful children that keep me smiling and jumping every day. That means I am getting my exercise!
4. a mother who taught me compassion, endurance and forgiveness.
5. a father that taught me hard work and independence.
6. a beautiful home that I get to take care of that has floors that can be mopped, doors that can be locked and toilets that can be flushedn (if the kids ever figure this one out!).
7. a dryer so that my clothes don't have to smell like the neighbors BBQ dinner.
8. visiting teachers that spiritually and emotionally support me.
9. temples that make my family forever.
   
10. a talent to love and understand others.
11. that I love service.
12. knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who has a plan for me.
13. a Savior who sacrificed for me and knows all the pains I endure.
14. the ability to repent.
15. friends who check up on me daily and bring smiles to my face.
16. my health.
17. I can read.
18. my husband has a job with great insurance when we need it the most.
19. medical research that gives my daughter the best chances of fighting cancer.
20. a pull out bed at the hospital--can you imagine if I had to use a sleeping bag on the floor!
21. my talent of sewing so I can make modest clothes for my beautiful daughters.
22. live in the United States, even if I don't like the current boss.
23. running water so I don't need to go to a well or worry about kids falling into one! (I'm terrified of water when it comes to little people.)
24. public education so that I don't have to be an expert at everything...yet.
25. Grandmothers who teach me all that they know about gardening and canning, not to mention unlimited amounts of hugs.
26. a grocery store not far away so when my garden grows nothing but weeds we can still eat.
27. a years worth of pretty much everything...
28. chocolate to make my frustrations melt away.
29. text messaging so that we can talk to Ken's deaf brother easily. (and many others!)
30. a vacuum cleaner. How else would we take care of the carpet? (the dog might work I guess?!)
    

The list could continue on and on. What do you see in your life when you take time to open your eyes and look around? You might be surprised, so go ahead and try it!

Happy Birthday Odette!

Today was our first day back to the hospital. Since Sunday is Odette's birthday, we decided she needed to have a cake. An excellent neighbor made a 48 cupcake cake for Odette to share with all of her "family" at ICS. We thought that 48 cupcakes would last long enough for both shifts of nurses to have one, but it was gone within an hour! (I guess that means to celebrate finishing chemo we will need at least 150!!)
I attempted to have Odette try a cupcake, but she didn't want anything to do with it. Here she is sticking out her tongue to lick it, but after that she just cried when she looked at it. We will have to try again, maybe when she has to take steroids and then she will want to eat stuff (or at least play with her food!)
Even though she didn't want to eat her piece of cake, she had lots of fun going around sharing them with her doctors and nurses who are all in love with her and visa versa. What isn't there to love about a 16 pound, smiling, bald baby?!
While being at the hospital isn't our most favorite thing, it is nice to know that we have a great support group and people that love our little Odette.
I guess I shouldn't call her little anymore. She made it to the big 1! A few months ago it seemed she wouldn't make it here. Thanks to so many people we have all made it this far! Watch for more birthday stuff to come because you know me...a birthday isn't complete without balloons, presents and siblings!

Happy Days

Since we have been home and done with chemo for over a week, it seems that happy days have once again returned to our house for everyone. The puke has been at a minimum-still no days with none, but once a day is awesome-and the kids have fallen into their "old" routine with mom home in the morning to make breakfast and kiss them goodbye. An added bonus has been that Ken has had most of the week off as well, so I have been able to have some of the extra hands that I have needed to take care of the little girls, cook, clean and finish sewing one of the girls Christmas dresses! Terrific!! I love Ken!
It has also been great because Odette's counts-for the most part- have been up, so we took her outside to play and swing. She was all full of giggles and smiles and she didn't even puke when she went really high in the swing!
This week has been full of more smiles and laughter than the past five months combined. Odette thinks that Kathleen is extremely hilarious and will crack up just looking at her-it is the most precious, silly laugh. I can only hope that this next round of chemo isn't to horrific and that it will not take that long to have happy days return to our house again!

Odette's counts are: White Blood Cells-2.7, Hct-34.6
ANC-2.1 and platelets a whopping 270! (I guess once Odette decides to make platelets she really puts it in high gear-more than 6 times what she had on Sunday!) So, all of you smart readers...do we go to the hospital to start our chemo tomorrow? Are her counts high enough? Yes they are! Now, to pray that we can be at home for Thanksgiving since we have an awesome visitor coming to spend the week with us!

Counts

I refer a lot to Odette's counts and decided, after being asked a number of times what that meant, that I would attempt my best to explain. Remember that I am not a doctor and don't always use the most technical of terms! This probably will be as clear as mud, but here it goes.

Counts refer to Odette's blood and the components that make it up. There are lots of things in blood. There are four things that we keep good track of to determine if Odette is ready for her next round of chemo to begin or to make sure she is okay. The doctors watch a lot of other things, but for Ken and I there are the four things to keep track of.

The first one is White Blood Cells (WBC). The normal range for these is between5.5 and 17.0. This is the one that is affected by the leukemia. The body makes weird white blood cells that don't do their job and reproduce quickly and take over-leukemia. During chemo, the goal is to get rid of the fast reproducing cells. (This is why baldness happens since hair is a fast dividing cell.) Odette needs to have at least 1.5 on her white blood cells in order to start a round of chemo. Currently Odette is at 13.3. In the past 5 months it hasn't been above 4.7, however she has been on nupogen shots for the past week to stimulate her bone marrow to produce because she had 0 for about a week.

The next one is her Red Blood cells or Hematicrit(Hct) - I have no clue how to spell that one. This is just red blood cells that take oxygen around. The chemo will kill these off to, so we watch it since oxygen is a vital necessity! If it ever gets low, that is when we give Odette blood transfusions. (So please go and donate some blood today!) Red blood cells replace themselves about once a month. Normal is between 33 and 39. Currently Odette is at 35.6. She got blood just one week ago today.

The next thing they watch is Platelets. These are what allow your blood to clot and heal cuts and keep your body from bruising. When we first found out Odette had leukemia it was because she had bruises all over...super low platelet levels. Normal is anywhere between 150 and 400. Currently Odette is at 41. In order to start the next round of chemo she needs to have a minimum of 75. You might wonder why not just give her a transfusion, but this is only done when she gets around the 20 mark, besides, we want her body to try and make her own. She did do this over the weekend since she started at only 27 last thursday.

The final thing that we watch is ANC. This is your immune systems ability to fight disease. Normal range is 1.5 to 10. Odette is only allowed out of the hospital if it is at .5 or higher. This is why she gets sick easily. However, since having the nupogen shots, her level today is 10.2! (NO, this does not mean it is okay to come over and visit even if you are sick!) This is super high for her and will probably drop back down into the normal range since we aren't giving shots this week.

So, based on this information, Odette is not able to start her round of chemo today because, "she didn't make counts". Now you all should be pros and understand what that means--right? We will be waiting until Thursday to see what her blood looks like then and hopefully be able to start on Friday. Maybe with a little luck and some prayers she will be home for Thanksgiving!