Real or Not Real

Sometimes I feel like Peeta.

There are experiences stuck in my head that I find myself questioning.

Was it a dream, a nightmare, or did the experience really happen.

The experience I am talking about is everything that happened since basically the time I found out I was expecting Odette.
Odette was a surprise for me.  I was perfectly happy with three kids.  Don't get me wrong, I love children, especially all my children.  It was just unexpected, even until the day she was born it didn't seem real to me.
Shortly after Odette was born, I was watching her sleep.  She was the best sleeping kid I had ever been blessed with.  I remember thinking as I watched her so peaceful, that something was wrong with her.  How could anything be wrong?  She was an angel baby, just like I had asked her to be.
Then we found out she had cancer, which, in my mind was really lucky we caught it so quickly.  Probably the only reason I took her to the doctor to check out her "rash" was because of the "somethings wrong" impression I had had not to long before.

During many of her experiences, I remember finding myself thinking, "Geese, if I could only pinch myself hard enough, I would wake up and find that this isn't really happening.  It is really all just a terrible dream."  (And yes, I did pinch myself a few times just to make sure.  And even now, I have nightmares about being at the hospital almost weekly, but thankfully I am good at waking myself up without having to pinch!)

Now, in retrospect, I find myself saying, "Did that really happen?"
(Thankfully I wrote down a bunch of stuff to remind me because otherwise my memory really would have been wiped clean of lots of experiences.)

Watching Odette, which I admit is a lot of what I do all day long, I am amazed and bewildered at what I see her do and hear her say.  (They were always telling me at the hospital, "Once you get out of here, she will learn and grow so quickly you won't know what hit you."  They were right!)  You would never imagine the life she has lived in her short 23 months, if you were to watch her for a bit now.

She hasn't puked for four months! -Real

She sleeps a lot. - Not real
She is the most active, happy child around.  A 30 minute nap is perfect for her.
She is often found with food all over her face. -Real
After not eating for so long, I find it so cute when she has a milk mustache or orange cheeks from her spagettios.  (I do wash her off and bathe her everyday.)

Her stuffed "meow" is her favorite toy. - Real
Each morning she will wake up and bring her meow to you, talking to it all the time.
She doesn't like to be outside. -Not Real
If the door is even open a crack, she is "side" as she would say.  If I would let her, she would be out there all day.  You can often find her knocking on the door saying, "side, pease".
Odette doesn't like water. -Not Real
If the bathroom door is left open, she will be in there trying to brush her teeth and wash her hands.  She has figured out how to move the stool to wherever she wants to climb.  And man is she a good climber!
She calls all little kids "baby", even if they are much bigger than her. -Real
She loves playing with her babies at home, but really likes the moving ones when we go shopping.
Most people say she is the most gorgeous girl ever. -Not Real
Most people that don't know her, say what a handsome boy and in nursery the kids call her a boy too, even though she almost always is dressed in PINK!
Odette got a bloody nose the other day and I was in a panic, and debating if I needed to take her for a blood draw.-Real
Bloody noses are a sign often of cancer and low platelets.  Every day, in as far back in my mind as I can push it, is the worry of "what if it comes back"?
Her laughter is contagious and her voice is music to my ears! -Real
She is the most lovable, precious, angel child that anyone could ever ask for! -Real

I guess that time really does heal the hurting heart.

And the experiences that were so very awful do loose their sting.

I can now look back and instead of frustration and being scared about what was occurring around me, I see love, kindness and the Savior holding and carrying me through the entire time.

I will forever be grateful for the lasting impressions and lessons learned.  Some I wouldn't trade for anything.  And others, well maybe someday I will share them so you don't have to ever try and wake yourself from a nightmare.

Inside and Out

Kathleen participates in Achievement Days with the other girls in the neighborhood.

It is held a couple of times a month and is through the LDS church.

They have been talking about modesty and beauty.

Yesterday they put on a fashion show.

Each girl got to dress up pretty for one walk down the runway.

The other walks they took, they could dress someone up and walk with them.

I dressed up with Kathleen so we could be matching, however we didn't get a picture of us together.  (Our camera man wasn't paying attention.)

Kathleen was also nice enough to let Josselyn and Odette go with her.

When the girls walked out, they said why they were beautiful.

Kathleen said, very quietly,

"I am beautiful on the outside because of my eyes."

"I am beautiful on the inside because I am kind."

Yes Kathleen,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!

Carmel Apples

My favorite season is springtime.

I love seeing all things coming back to life outside.

I also love fall time.

The break away from all the outside stuff.

The cool weather.

And all the yummy treats!

The kids enjoyed making and eating this fall treat!

They got pretty creative.

Odette, well she loved all the toppings!!

Pumpkin Patch

 For FHE we went to the PUMPKIN PATCH.

We had talked a little about having faith and how you have faith when you plant a seed.

What better way to show the results of planting seeds than to go somewhere that you can see great results!

 Brandt and Josselyn were in charge of the wheel barrows to put the pumpkins in that we couldn't carry.

You know, the bigger the pumpkin, the better!  (At least that is how most kids think.)

 After walking through rows and rows of pumpkins for what seemed like a long time, (it was about an hour) the kids found some very fun pumpkins.

It was so fun to watch Odette walk through the pumpkins.  Each one that was little enough for her to pick up, she would bend over, pick it up and go and sit it on the stroller.  She had quite the collection of, what the kids called, "baby pumpkins".  I just let her wander and get dirty.  There was something just awesome about being able to let Odette just be a kid.  She was so very happy.  I was so very happy.  We all were very happy.

 There were also some tractors for the kids to sit on and pretend to drive.  

I am pretty sure Josselyn tried them all out.

Maybe we will need to invest in one of these things.  They were having so much fun on them even though they weren't moving.  Even more fun than they have on our swing set!

 On a Tractor Ride.

The kids thought it was really cool because they saw a goose, some roosters and a giant RED pumpkin!

They also had fun sitting on the hay bales.  Odette especially liked this because she could pull little pieces out and decided that was a way cool thing to do.

 

We had a great time as a family.

And, if a pumpkin seed can make some of those huge pumpkins, think about what your faith could do...even if it is small!

The AFTER

Because I forgot about the BEFORE.

We put grass in the 700 square foot middle flower bed.

Now, instead of hours of weeding every week...

...only mowing and weed whacking that even Brandt likes to do!

And, you can see my very pretty rock wall!

The kids can hardly wait for it to snow because they now can build a snow fort and snowmen in the front yard.

Thanks to everyone who helped.

It looks BEAUTIFUL!

A Special Day

Today was a very special day!

Did you know that the date was 10-10-10?

That won't be happening for another 100 years!

It was also my grandma's birthday.

And she isn't quite 100 yet!

And, the really special thing about today....

Brandt was ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood.

He was given the priesthood by his grandpa Pankretz.

He had wonderful family and friend support.

It was a beautiful experience.

I can't believe I have a son old enough to pass the sacrament.

A son worthy to have such a special gift.

One that will bring great blessings into our home.

That is the real reason today is so special.

Brandt turns 12!

I can hardly believe that the baby I dreamed of having for years, the one that would have me be called mother, is 12 years old!  It doesn't seem like that day was that long ago.  It is one of those days that will be forever ingrained in my memory, and one that I am thankful is there!  The fact that Brandt was a boy was a surprise for us.  He was born weighing exactly 7 pounds, 20 inches long with lots of really dark hair that has never fallen out.  He had the cutest cheeks that I just had to "pinch" them the second I saw them.  I was now the mother of the most adorable baby boy ever!

Some fun things about Brandt

• His favorite color is blue--like BYU cougar blue.  He is lucky enough to even have his bedroom painted this color!
• He is a fish.  Since the day he was born he has loved water.  When he can't be in a pool he is always trying to convince me to let him swim in my big bathtub!
• He is the most thoughtful boy I know.  Always thinking of others and what he could do to make them happy.  He loves to bring home little treats and surprises for his sisters.
• His favorite food is potato anything, just like his mother.
• Brandt is the best speller I know!
• I love that even though he is getting "old" he still wants me to cover him up and kiss him goodnight.
• When life gets hard he is the first to remind us to say a prayer and everything will be all right.
• Wants to be a lawyer when he grows up.
• Has told me that he is going to earn 50 merit badges and his Eagle Scout by the time he is 13!  Obviously he is quite the goal setter!
• He sure can eat a lot of food!!

 I am so grateful that Brandt is a part of our family forever.
  Happy Birthday to my Toad!

Josselyn turns 4!

Four years ago my life was turned upside down with the birth of my third child, Josselyn Rose.  She was 7 lbs. 3 oz. and 21 inches long.  A healthy, beautiful baby with a full head of hair and a personality to match none I had ever known!  Today she is still a healthy, beautiful girl with most of her hair (Yes, she still is pulling her hair, but it is at night in her sleep.) and still a very unique personality.

Other fun stuff about Josselyn

• Her very favorite color is pink, which makes it nice when she gets dressed because all of her clothes match!
• Her favorite food is raviolis and strawberries.  She is very protective of her strawberries that grow in the backyard and is frequently found yelling at the birds to stay away from them.
• She loves to play dress up and changes her clothes at least a dozen times a day.
• While she was a very fussy baby, she is a very happy child.  
• She says the very funniest things ever, which most of the time, by the time I am done laughing I have forgotten to write down.
• Josselyn is full of love for everyone.  She freely hands out hugs and kisses to all.
• She has enough energy to outlast the energizer bunny!  

All she wanted for her birthday was some pink shoes and princess plates.  Lucky her, she got both!

We all love our Diggy, Joss, Jossie, Sweetie, Josselyn!

I think we will keep her forever!

Silly Josselyn

Today I was questioning Josselyn to see how much "stuff" she knows.  I wanted to see what we can work on for school and where we have missed over the many months of chaos.  I had a list of questions I had been given of things to ask her to see what areas she is lacking in.  I asked her, "what is the opposite of girl?"  She very quickly responded, "an idiot". 

GI checkup

I can't believe that it has already been six weeks since the last time we went to GI for a check up.  Last time we went, we were considering a G-tube because Odette wasn't gaining any weight, she had actually lost a little bit.  Instead, Dr. Pohl and I decided we would give her some medicine that is suppose to increase her appetite.  I have been giving this to her three times a day.  She definitely has started to eat more food, not much more in variety, but more in quantity.  Her legs are starting to look cute and chunky and her belly is starting to be so very cute.  However, I was concerned today that she still hadn't gained enough weight.  We were aiming for her to weigh 9 kilos.  Check it out at the bottom and see if we met that goal. 

We went to the Riverton Primary Children's Hospital.  This is an amazing place and so wonderful to be closer to home.  Josselyn was even allowed to come with.  The girls had a great time playing while waiting our turn.  Josselyn even rode on the elevator all by herself because it shut before mom and Odette--who wants to walk everywhere--could get on.  I don't know that Josselyn will ever want to try that one again.  Thankfully we were right behind her in the other elevator and a nice volunteer was waiting with her when we met up.

I was thrilled to see this weight and even more thrilled when the Dr. said that "You are doing an amazing job with her.  I don't worry about her with you taking care of her.  If I just saw her for the first time today, I would say she was a perfectly healthy child!"  Next visit in two months just to make sure she is still gaining that weight.