Beautiful

At Christmas I was very humbled by all the kindness and generosity towards our family.  In particular was that of someone who offered to donate her skill of photography.  She didn't even know our family, but because she was doing her calling of Visiting Teaching, she was able to help one of my very good friends.  She did a photo shoot called "Glimpse of Santa" where many of you were able to donate money and she took the pictures.  I was unable to take my own children down to do the pictures, so she came to me.  I am so impressed with the pictures.  They turned out amazing.  If you would like to get more information, click here.  Otherwise, enjoy the following.  (I couldn't get a slide show to work, so hopefully you can just scroll on down!)

Odette's Plan

I know a lot of people have asked what is the rest of the plan for Odette.  As I have said before, plans never work out exactly as promised, but here is what we think will happen:

• March 22nd: Odette goes into the hospital for the day.  She will get her spinal, remove her PICC line and put a port in.  We will start more chemotherapy that is oral.  These I just do at home each morning with her 9am feeding.  She doesn't even realize that she is getting them.  Her butt and disposition are what you notice a change in.
• Weekly blood draws.  These happen every Monday and we have a home nurse come to draw Odette's labs.  We do this to check her blood counts.
• April 12th: We are admitted for, what should be, our last inpatient stay.  We are there for count recovery.  This means that Odette's blood counts will drop to zero and we are there until they begin to come up.  (.5 is usually the ok to go sign.)  This will be for about three weeks.
• May 3rd: Odette has a Bone Marrow Aspirate and Spinal and once again we start oral chemo at home.  This time it includes steroids.  I have decided these are yucky because she is so mean and grumpy!  We do the oral chemo's for four weeks.
• May 31st: Another day spent in the hospital getting a spinal, Vincristine and starting other oral chemo for five more weeks.
• The week of July 5th.  Go into the clinic for an end of therapy evaluation.  We are done with treatment!

There you have it!  The end is in sight, but there is still much to do.  We hope by the end, Odette will be off of her feeding tube and eating on her own, but the chemo drugs make things taste yucky and she doesn't feel well all the time, so chances are we will have the feeding tube for a while.  They will also leave her port in for a while because we will be going in for check ups to make sure that the cancer doesn't come back.  I am not sure for how long they will leave this in.  9 months ago I never would have thought that the end would get here.  It seemed so far away, yet now it is quickly approaching!  Thanks to all for your thoughtfulness and prayers so that we could get where we are today.

Spring Break?

For the past ten days we have had a visitor at our house.  Her name is Katie and she brought lots of excitement with her so we made lots of grand memories while she was here.  She was here for her spring break.  I know it is way early, but when you go to school in Denver and the weather is even yuckier than here, you need a break now to try and get away for some warmth.  Besides the fact that now is when her term was over!  Odette was in love with her and loved to take pictures with her.  This time, she didn't want to smile.  Every time we said "say cheese" she would stick her tongue out and touch her nose.  (Yes, she will eat boogers, but not real food-isn't that a normal kid thing?)

We made lots of banana bread one day.  To be exact it was 6 large loaves and 9 baby loaves!  Why you ask?  I love bananas, but I would buy some and then end up at the hospital and no one else would eat them, so they would get stuck in the freezer.  Needless to say, my freezer was overflowing with frozen bananas!  Now it is just the bread!

We organized all of the medical bills and paperwork from the year 2009.  That was a mess!

The girls played in the tub.  This is one of Odette's favorite things, and since she has the pick line in, it is a much easier thing to do than before.

Katie has a best friend named Kya that came over a few times.  Josselyn loved her and was obsessed with her hair.  She played beauty parlor and put as many clips in as she could find!

Katie is obsessed with pictures of feet.  She and Brand went down to the lake one night to check out the ice.  Good thing it didn't start to melt until two days later!

We drove through the car wash.  This made Josselyn really nervous, but she loved it when the soap we got hit with was pink!

The park was great fun.  Brandt kept going down the slide and then shocking Katie.  In a video she made on her camera, you could hear the electricity!

Odette always thought that she was very special when she got Aunt Katie's phone.  Her goal every day was to try and get it.  She figured out that if she would cry loud enough, Katie would just give it to her!  She isn't spoiled at all!

Katie is going to school in culinary arts in Denver.  Why on earth would I want to cook while she was here?  We made a couple of yummy desserts, hence my ever growing spare tire!  One is called buckeyes and they are made out of peanut butter.  The other ones are Oreo "things".  I can't remember the correct term.  These were awesome and I am sure to make them again.  Josselyn like them, so much so that she took a bit out of each one to insure that she got them all!  (It didn't work, but don't tell her that!)

 We celebrated Katie's 20th birthday!  She is my youngest sister, and now I no longer have any teenage siblings.  I feel really old now!  She didn't hesitate to rub in the fact that I am old!

Katie taught Brandt how to long board and guess what he wants for his birthday now?  Guess I better start saving those pennies and watch KSL closely!

I forgot to take a before and after picture, but Katie helped me with something that has been bugging me for at least six months and that is my yard.  We got all the dead winter stuff cut off and raked up.  The only thing we couldn't quite finish was the trimming of some of the bushes because we couldn't reach far enough off the rock wall.  It sure does look a lot better.  Now I am in the mood to pull out all the grass that grew under the snow, just haven't figured out how and when to do that.

We delivered girl scout cookies.  This is only half of what Kathleen sold, but as usual I forgot to take the picture when we had them all.  She was so excited to sell 540 boxes of cookies, but wasn't as excited to deliver them all after the first night was over!  I still have a few more to take out, but for the most part we are done!  Hurray!!

Odette liked Kya also and crawled up on her back and just layed there.  It was very cute.

We had a grand time with my sister being here and appreciate all that she helped us do.  Ken and I went on two dates, one to lunch and the other to grocery shop.  (Grocery shopping is one thing we have always loved to do together, even though we spend way more money this way.)  We also were able to take Odette to the urgent care when Josselyn pulled her elbow out of socket and come home to bathed kids and dinner.  Having family is great and we are so thankful for the time we get to spend with them.  Thanks Katie for coming-even though the risks are great!

Bigger than Life!

On Friday, the kids were out of school.  With the nice weather we had been having, we had planned to go to the zoo and take Odette to see all the animals for the first time.  However, the weather changed all that.  We had a blanket of snow when we awoke, so our plans changed.  It was the best packing snow we have had in a while (at least since I have been at home and able to play in it!). 

 

Brandt and Kathleen had the job of rolling all the snowballs and Katie and I had to use our strong muscles and lift them up.  They were way heavy!  I didn't think that snow could weigh that much!  We had to use the sleds as leverage to pick some of them up!  After each snowball, the kids said, "It needs one more"!  We lost plenty of heads rolling up and over the top!  In the end, we ended up with "Bigger than Life" snowmen.

 

Katie showing us just how big around the snowmen are.  The one behind her earned the title, "The leaning Snowball of Italy".  Needless to say, when the sun came out an hour later, it was the first one to fall over!

 

Kathleen made a family of snowmen, using the sage brush weeds as hair.  They turned out cute.

Once the kids (probably more like mom) were done building snowmen, it was onto the sledding.  (I could just be the picture taker.)

 

Kathleen and Josselyn fit perfectly onto the sled.  However, sledding wasn't enough.  Kathleen, I kid you not, decided she could snowboard on the sleds.  Brandt and Katie of course were very thrilled with this idea!  None of them made it down the hill very gracefully!

 

  

  

 The snow activities ended with a grand snowball fight!  It was a great day in the snow-living life!  Although Odette just watched from the inside with her dad, she still was very happy to have everyone together.  I am sure our trip to the zoo will come soon.  After all, spring is just around the corner...right?!

IF

I have seen the saying "It doesn't get much better than this". 

If this is the case, then why keep trying so hard?  

Why have hope for a better tomorrow? 

I think it will get much better than this. 

Life without sickness? 

Perfect bodies?

Happy Families?  

No Satan? 

It better be much better than this life because that is the only thing that keeps me going on lots of days!

(This is one quote that I strongly dislike.)

One of THOSE days.

One daughter awake crying from nightmares about snakes at 2 am.

Another daughter awake crying at 2:30 am because of a poopy diaper.

One daughter awake crying for mommy at 2:45 am to sleep by her, but she will have to have dad because mom is busy with another little girl and is asleep on the living room floor.

Alarm goes off at 5:45 am.

It's way to early.

Two little girls are already awake.

It's cloudy and yucky outside.

Big kids decide to argue and fight at breakfast.

One kid needs mouth washed out with soap.

Four kids are crying.

One mom is crying and has a broken heart.

Mom has heard "I hate you" too many times this morning.

It's only 7 am.

The kids make it to the bus on time, but with no smiles or happy goodbyes.

I have to say goodbye to my sister for a few days.

Dad can't get out of bed for work.

HEADACHE.

Call the Doctor-"Be here in half hour."

Give one daughter drugs.

Forget to feed the other one.

It's only 8:30.

Get to the doctor 20 minutes late.

Call and order chemo medicine that needs to be picked up today.  

How am I going to get up there?

Girls crying in the car.

Dad's head still hurts.  Very drugged up.

Get home...what a mess!

I sit down and cry.

I can't do this anymore.

I want a room to lock myself in forever, where there is no stressful reality.

Where there isn't so much required from one person.

No time for this right now.

Grab some lunch.

It's some Red Vines licorice and chocolate cereal straws.

Put the girls back in the car to go pick up drugs.

While driving in the car, I hear this song:

I Came To Win

 

I didn't come this far to turn back now, no

To turn my back on all that I believe, yeah

'Cause everything so far is workin' out, yeah

It's even better than anything I dreamed, yeah

 

And I know the war is waging

Waging for my soul

But there's no way you can shake me

'Cause there's somewhere I wanna go

 

And I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in

There's just too much to believe in

And I'm not goin' down and I'm not goin' away

This is my time, it's my day

When there's so much that's at stake

I'm gonna hold on to my faith

And I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in

I came to win

Yeah

I came to win

 

I really want it & I'm not holding back, no

Though it may call for everything in me, yeah

I know it's worth it so I'll do all I can, yeah

Through God's grace I'll taste my victory, yeah.

 

And They say that I can't make it

Or tell me that I'm wrong

But you know I can't believe it

'Cause what I'm feeling is so strong

 

And I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in

There's just too much to believe in

And I'm not goin' down and I'm not goin' away

This is my time, it's my day

When there's so much that's at stake

I'm gonna hold on to my faith

And I'm not giving up and I'm not giving in

I came to win

Yeah

I came to win

(By: Jenny Jordan Frogley)

 

Then I remember why I am here.

I remember what is really important.

I remember that I can't let Satan win.

I remember that I am loved without ends by many people.

I remember who I am and I have renewed strength to continue on.

I get a phone call and someone is going to get the chemo drugs for me.

Take the girls home.

Messed up melting chocolate to cover the desert my sister made.

Doesn't bother me, I just throw it away.

It's not important.

Played with the little girls.

Had a yummy snack with my big kids and talked about school.

Worked together and got our jobs done.

Ate eggs for dinner.

Because fancy doesn't matter.

Talked to my mom and told her I loved her.

Because family matters.

Got one child to scouts.

Got three other kids bathed.

Covered each of my kids up and told them I loved them no matter what.

Because that matters. 

My family is important.  

They inspire me to continue on.

They remind me every day that I didn't come here to give up on life,

I CAME TO WIN! 

Promised Pictures

I promised a bunch of pictures when I finally figured out how to get them off of my camera without a USB cord.  If I would have known, all along on Ken's new computer you could just put your card right in, then I wouldn't be doing this post!  (I think I gave my brain away to my four children!)  You already would have seen the lovely pictures!  Here they are in no particular order.

Last time we were admitted to the hospital, a couple of the other leukemia patients opened up a nail salon in the play room.  Since Odette still had counts, she was able to go and get her fingers painted.  She thought it was cool, but the best part was trying to chew on the bottles of paint.

Hospital visitors who brought us a big bat to "beat cancer".

Odette with her Uncle Nate.  She loves to see him and she also thought it was funny to steal his hat!

Odette and Aunt Lizz.  We love when she comes to visit...it means that mom will go and eat some dinner!

Odette absolutely loves all of her nurses, but she will always cuddle with Andi-sometimes better than with her mommy.  (This is good when I need to eat or shower.  Yes, even though I live at a hospital, I still have the normal tasks to take care of!)

Odette was more than upset when they put the IV in the wrong hand and she couldn't get her thumb out to suck on.  She cried for a couple of hours until the Dr. was convinced that she wouldn't just get used to it.  After 9 months, I think we are going to have a hard habit to break in the future, but right now I am thankful that she has a thumb!

Odette figured out how to reach out and get all the beeping machines.  She figured out how to push the buttons and take the syringes off. 

Kathleen at Cosmic bowling with her dad for girl scouts.  Obviously Ken is taking the picture!

Josselyn outside trying to catch snowflakes on her toungue.  The flakes were huge this day.  She got lucky and got a couple to land in her mouth, but her eyes were covered!  She thought it was great!