Farewell Grandma by the Ocean

Thirteen years ago, not only did I marry a wonderful man, but I got to inherit another Grandma. She wasn't at the wedding, so we went to visit her in California for our honeymoon (and of course go to Disneyland!) I have always loved grandmas, whether mine or someone elses. They are special people who have so much knowlege and love to share with us younger, less experienced people.
Over the years, our family has enjoyed writing love notes to Grandma and calling her on the phone and once in a while being able to make the trip to visit again.












A couple of years ago, Grandma decided to come and live with Ken's parents. We were all excited because we could now spend more time with her. We enjoyed taking her out shopping at JC Pennys, to dinner, to the aquarium, and I think our favorite was having her over to dinner (Ken would always cook something yummy and impressive!) and we would watch a movie together. It was great bonding time and the kids loved being around someone who has unconditional love for them. She was always happy and positive.

While we are all sad that she is gone, we know that she is at home. She is happy and watching over us. She told me that when she finally died-since she prayed for it daily-that she would help me take care of Odette. I know that she is watching over all her family. We love you Great Grandma!

Hope Necklaces

My great friends have been doing a fundraiser to help out with Odette. Unfortunately they got rained out last weekend. They have made "hope" necklaces that have the cancer ribbon on them. They come in a variety of colors and are great to support any person who is battling any type of cancer! The cost is $10. If you are interested, contact Ketra at 801-766-8449 or email her at remspring@gmail.com

Also, if anyone is still interested, we are putting in another t-shirt order. The cost is $5. Let me know! Thanks for all your love and support!

Josselyn's pigtails!

A couple of months ago I cried when we had to shave off all of Josselyn's hair because she was pulling it out. I thought that it would never grow back! Today, as Josselyn says, "the babysitter" put her hair in pigtails. I thought that they looked very cute and didn't realize that her hair could be long enough to even attempt this. Yes, it brings out the devil in her--the horns were just hidden earlier, but I am so happy that she now has hair to play with. No more..."Mom, why does that boy have a dress on!"

Normal Life

I thought that I would show you that although life is ridiculously crazy at our house, there are normal life things still going on. This spring Ken built the kids a swing set to play on. Odette loves to swing, but in order to swing, she has to have a mask on. We have yet to find one that works well for her small size, so she can barely see, but she still loves to swing.

The older kids all love to play with their baby sister. It is great to be at home when they are out of school because I can do the work while they take turns playing with Odette. The kids all love eachother...most of the time!

Odette got four new teeth all in the same week! I guess this is good because she suffers enough, so to get them all at the same time saved her a little pain!

Our family still enjoys doing things together, we just have a good excuse to not leave the house to do stuff! (Save on money this way, right?!) Normal stuff still happens, like getting sick, doing homework, scouts and playing with friends. The main difference from before is we are having to really clean the house daily---no breaks and the kids have had to learn to be really tough with mom or dad or both gone for big chunks of time. I have currently been in the hospital for a week and haven't seen the rest of the family. (New hospital rule to help prevent spread of sickness-no visitors under 14.) So, this is our normal. There really is no such thing as normal anyway!

Four months

Four months ago today, our family got news that we thought only happened to other people. "Your daughter has pre B ALL a type of leukemia...we'll be having her in surgery tomorrow and starting chemo in the evening." Of course our hearts sank and we felt helpless and just shook our heads and said ok.

Now, 10 blood transfusions, 11 platelette transfusions, 12 rounds of chemo, 2 trips to the ER, 15 inpatient admits to the hospital, 3 trips to X-ray, 2 bone marrow aspirates, 5 lumbar punctures, a staff and pseudomonous infection, the flu, rhino virus, hair loss, innumerable feeding tube placements, bum rashes that are unbelievable, mouth sores that make sucking a thumb impossible, happy days, sad days, lots of tears, hugs and gallons of puke, Odette is still smiling and fighting (and growing)!

We didn't know all of the things that lay ahead and the future was uncertain: this is still true, but we do know that we are surrounded by great friends, nurses, techs, doctors, cleaning ladies and family and have an amazing daughter that is a fighter! GO ODETTE!!

Fundraising

I know that a lot of you would like to help Odette out. A friend has set up some Fundraising efforts and could use some help. If you would like to help out, call Ketra Remund at 801-766-8449 or you can email her at remspring@gmail.com

So many of you have already done so much for my family. Even though they may seem simple, they have blessed our lives imensly. The "simple acts of love" are sometimes the easiest and most needed. I have enjoyed phone calls daily just to make sure I am doing ok, a loaf of homemade bread or rolls just brought over, "prizes" left on my doorstep, talks to one of my sad children and a bunch of hugs. Thanks so much for all of your continuing support. It is a rough and long road to walk, but has been easier with all of you!

You Choose

We are up at the hospital once again doing, so far, what I would consider the worst form of chemo ever!! Ken and I absolutely both hate it. (I think we might still have to do it one more time, but it is way in the future.) It is the high dose metholtrexate. It doesn't drop Odette's counts very much, which is nice because then she can go out in the hallway to be on "parade", but it causes all sorts of havoc with her skin and digestive system. Sores everywhere, yucky skin and puke city is what we can expect for the next week or two. Absolutely miserable!

I was feeling rather irate at the situation here at the hospital and my life at home, when it dawned on me. You choose. You can choose to be mad at what life brings you, or you can choose to make joy and laughter. (Yes, the thought came to my mind, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.") I went out to get my breakfast, and there wasn't one person who was mean and glaring at others. All would say "hi, how are you?" and would smile. People are always laughing and choosing to have fun here. If anyone has a reason to be mad at the world, it would be some of the families here at ICS, but why choose to be mad? That just makes matters worse...makes you not be able to deal well with all other aspects of reality. Makes you always grumpy, unfriendly, scary and sometimes even can cause health issues. Like the sign at my house says, "A smile is like the sunshine." (It actually is a primary song that continues and says "it brightens up the day, it makes the world look brighter and chases clouds away.") This is so true. The more I smile, try and laugh and I choose to be happy, the more the bad things just slip away. (No, they don't go away, but I am able to better deal with them, or they don't seem so awful.) People around me are also more willing to be helpful and the kids are always more obedient! (This is an awesome bonus!)

I think that in choosing to be happy we are also realizing to let things go. There are many things in life that we can't control. If you can't control or change it, then you just need to let it go and choose to be happy. Don't dwell on it, just smile. You can't control how someone else drives, so just ignore them and keep driving your way. You can't control how others behave, what illness' come your way, or if you can keep your perfect job in this economy(if you have the perfect job!) I have learned that I need to let things go that I can't control or change and I have been much more relaxed and happy with my life. If I don't just let go, I get really irritated at almost everything going on around me, even the good. Just accept life and move on and make your own happiness.

Odette has obviously chosen to be happy with life and she definitely could choose otherwise. She isn't up here being grumpy and yelling at people. No, she is laughing, smiling, talking and even dancing. If she can choose to be happy in her situation, then I should be able to do the same. YOU CHOOSE...

Trials

This week has been kind of a frustrating week. We were suppose to be back for chemo on Monday, but once again Odette's counts were too low. Platelets were low enough (13) that we needed to go just to get a transfusion. Once up there, Odette's heart rate was at 200 and her oxygen level only at 80 percent, so they didn't want to let her go home. This seemed to occur only when we were feeding her, almost like an allergic reaction. In the morning we asked that they just change out the feeding tube and if that didn't work, to try a different type of formula-both of our family has milk allergies, so we thought maybe we should try soy formula. After we changed the feeding tube however, we did the first feeding and she was fine--no puke, no cough, no high heart rate! So, we went home.

She has been happy for most of the time at home, only puked up her tube once last night, but has laughed and rolled all over just so she could be close to Josselyn or Kathleen. (Guess it is good the kids are out of school for the next few days!) Today the nurse came to get Odette's blood so we can see if she has enough counts to start chemo tomorrow. Not really excited to go back to the hospital, but can't wait for this illness trial to be coming to an end! I think that we still have 22 weeks of treatment--not counting the time out for being sick!

It has been very annoying lately to think about this trial. There seems to be no escape from thinking about it. I know that we are given trials so that we can learn and become better people, more like our Father in Heaven. However some trials come from the choices we make as consequences. We can't pay our bills cuz we bought to many toys or we lost our temper and now we have to fix a hole in the wall. These types of trials, even though difficult seem to me to be more easily accepted, because we "chose" them by choosing our behavior. Odette being sick is not because of a choice that anyone made and so is very frustrating for me to understand. I am sure good things will come of it, there already are great things, but in the mist of it all, it is hard to see what learning and good is going on. My brother must have been inspired because he reminded me of the following scripture: Doctirne and Covenants Section 122 verse 7"... if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, Know thou, my son that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good". I guess I am just testing to make sure that the scriptures are true!

Like a Child

This week, my mind has been very full of so many different things about life. Recently our family has had the luxury (I say luxury because it got to happen all at once instead of spread over weeks!) to experience much sickness. We have had the flu, sinus infections, allergies, colds, coughs, head injuries and the reoccurring of other past health issues. It seems that when we get sick, the house if full of winy, grumpy, and mean people. As I thought about this, I thought about Odette's illness. I have never experienced any real serious illness that can even compare to cancer.

This week while Odette has been home, she has vomited daily. She has mouth sores so bad that her lips are covered with crusted blood and bleed every time she pukes or attempts to suck her thumb. Her bum rash is cracked and bleeding even with every kind of bum ointment being applied all to frequently. (We use at least 12 diapers a day!) Her body has to ache because she is always squirmy and has a hard time getting comfortable. She is obviously miserable. However, she will still try and smile at us as we talk to her. She tries to play with her toys when they are offered. She sits patiently in her stroller or high chair while Ken and I try and get some dinner or help the other children. She gives hugs and kisses when she is anywhere near our cheeks. Despite her pain, she still is a happy, pleasant, lovable person. She definitely is heaven sent. When I found out I was pregnant with her, I prayed that if I had to have more kids that she would be angelic...my prayer was obviously answered. Only a very strong, angelic spirit would be able to go through what she is going through.

I now know in greater appreciation what the Lord meant when he said to become as a little child. I need to be more like my angel baby and more patient, happy and be able to endure my burdens with greater understanding and joy. After all, this lifetime is but a short moment in the grand scheme of things. A sinus infection doesn't deserve all the time wasted complaining about it, but our families, friends and neighbors need all of the service, love and time that we have to offer. I pray that I can take the attention off of the unimportant things of this life, stop my wining and spend the time on what truly matters in life.