Shoot for the stars

In my front room, I have a sign that reads "Shoot for the Stars". When I was in high school, at some assembly, I remember the person talking saying, "It is better to aim for the stars and miss, than to aim for manure and hit." This has stuck with me ever since. Right now it has a lot of meaning to me.

Many people ask how Odette is doing and I let them know the basics, but right now I feel I need to "unload". Odette definately has her moments, but lately this is how she is...She is on morphine because the pain of her mouth sores is so bad that she can't relax. She doesn't try and even suck her thumb let alone eat and if a doctor comes anywhere near her mouth she hits at them. It only took one time of her being poked and bleeding lots to learn to shew them away. She is getting the simplest of formulas put in through her feeding tube, but even then, her stomach has sores and she hardly keeps any of it down. She is on 5 different anti-puke drugs and even with them it is rare that she pukes less than 2 times a day. She has been having fevers, which to me use to be no big deal, but knowing that infections cause fevers and that is the number one killer of cancer patients, I freak out! Currently she is on antibiotics, but the doctors can't figure out the source of fevering yet. She sleeps often with cold packs under her blanket and a cool towel on her head in her carseat to help (hopefully) keep more food down. She is absolutely miserable and I look at her and it is like her happy, joyful self is lost in a terrible awful place. She is definately not ok. Yes, leukemia can be cured, but it is not a simple easy road to walk for the patient or the family.

This is why I am thinking about my thought on the wall. My baby girl is going through hell right now and so is her family. She didn't ask for this at all and I wouldn't never even wish it on my worst enemy. She hasn't even had her chance to aim for any stars yet! However, I know that I am going to try along with my family to continue to aim for better stars such as the Celestial kingdom because I know I don't want to ever be where I am currently at for all eternity! Hopefully you are all aready doing the same!